So when I first found out I was pregnant, in amongst the excitement (and anxiety, obviously! That doesn’t change even though you’ve been waiting a lifetime for one of those little blue tests to read ‘pregnant’!) one of my immediate thoughts was “I’m not going to be able to give birth naturally.”
Now before anyone jumps on that… it’s not because I was (or am) being a wuss! I thought my medical condition would hinder my chances of giving birth naturally.
I know, I know, that sounds stupid, particularly now it’s written down, and particularly because I somehow, against all odds, managed to conceive naturally.
However, I assumed with the state of my insides (and the scars on the outside) that my body would simply not allow me to give birth naturally.
A few appointments with doctors/midwives and a discussion (albeit via email) with my normal gyane consultant seemed to confirm this too.
Therefore, the plan had always been, planned c-section at 39 weeks pregnant.
I’ve spent most of my pregnancy working on this assumption and attempting to, at least mentally, prepare myself for major surgery.
But, after meeting with a new consultant midwife a few weeks ago, the possibility of a natural birth opened up (pardon the pun!)
Now I’m at a total crossroads and have no idea what to do.
I am researching like crazy; watching videos on YouTube about hypnobirthing, ordering books left right and centre from Amazon, downloading apps, speaking to everybody I know who has had babies and asking them about their childbirth experiences! I’m still completely undecided.
I am 29 weeks pregnant today.
I have an appointment with the consultant midwife a week on Monday and I need to be one step closer to a decision by then.